Apocalyptic Crazy Kitty

Chapter 12: A Cat’s Spa Day

Silence reigned in the empty Xinhua Bookstore. Both the Orange Cat and the yellow-haired guy stood there, bowls in hand and mouths agape, as they stared at the ten million 100-yuan bills, completely frozen in place. However, the reasons for their stunned silence were different: one was shocked by the sudden appearance of money out of thin air, while the other hadn’t expected such a thing to appear at all. “Meow—” came an angry cat’s cry, followed by the “clang” of a bowl shattering. “You’re screwing with me, cat!” Zuo Chen roared. What the hell is this?! Why did it randomly spawn a pile of money for him?! What the hell is he supposed to do with money right now! Was he supposed to use it to buy something!? Money is the least valuable thing in the world right now—what the hell is wrong with this system! Rolling his eyes in exasperation, he’d finally figured it out: this gourmet system must be based on a reward mechanism from peacetime. If this really were peacetime, ten million would indeed be a pretty decent reward—but right now, it’s completely useless. Seeing the Beast King flying into a rage, Erzi cautiously slurped his noodles while stealing glances at him. It seemed the Beast King wasn’t after the money after all… But that ability to pull objects out of thin air was truly incredible—no wonder the Beast King was nicknamed the “Walking Nuclear Bomb.” “Use it as firewood,” Zuo Chen said irritably, pointing his tail at the pile of money. Right now, the only real use for this pile of money was to stoke the fire. Erzi immediately finished his noodles in a few bites and began tossing the money into the fire. Although he knew the money was completely useless, his past memories made burning it by the handful feel incredibly satisfying. Zuo Chen had lost his appetite by then. He picked up the pot and slurped down the contents in one go, getting soup all over his mustache. He let out a satisfied belch, then walked over and lay down on the pile of money. He pulled out a cigarette, stuffed it into his mouth, grabbed a stack of bills to light it, and began lighting his cigarette. Ah, having a lot of money or a little really has nothing to do with being happy or not, the Orange Cat thought wistfully, blowing out a smoke ring. Next, I’d better work on improving my cooking skills. Maybe I’ll read a few cookbooks… I wonder if books like *Food Wars! * and *Chu-Chin* will actually help… It was late at night. Moonlight streamed in through the window. Zuo Chen lay on the pile of money and looked out. The entire city was shrouded in darkness, with only a few scattered billboards powered by solar panels still glowing. In the city center in the distance, a fifty-story skyscraper: “Your Majesty, Your Majesty, your bathwater is ready. You’ve had a long, tiring day—would you like me to help you bathe and give you a massage?” Zuo Chen had already sensed Erzi getting up to fetch water; now that he realized what the other was doing, he opened his eyes. He looked down at the bloodstains on his fur; in some places, it had even become matted. After all, he’d been so busy searching for food lately that he’d had no time to groom himself. He nodded, plopped down into the iron basin, and let out a long sigh of relief at the comfortable temperature: “Meow.” Seeing that the Great King had actually deigned to take a bath, Erzi couldn’t help but feel overjoyed. Although he’d survived two meals without being killed by this mysterious and powerful Beast King, he’d been constantly worried about one thing: whether he was actually of any value to the other party. He also understood that the idea of being a mount was nothing but a joke; with him as a burden, the Beast King’s movements would actually be hindered. If he wanted to survive, he couldn’t be a burden; he had to become useful—for example… a butler, a servant! Thanks to his previous experience running a pet store—which was his advantage—Erzi finally came up with this idea after pondering for quite a while: helping His Majesty the Beast King bathe and receive a massage to relieve his fatigue. He reasoned that as long as His Majesty the Beast King enjoyed himself, he naturally wouldn’t discard him so easily. Once Zuo Chen was settled, Erzi immediately pulled himself together and began giving Zuo Chen a bath and massage. Back when he ran the pet store, he often did these things for his own pets, so it was second nature to him. His massage technique was exceptionally skilled—a result of his deep affection for cats. Stain after stain was washed away, and tangled clumps of fur were untangled. After changing the water, Erzi began massaging Zuo Chen. Zuo Chen closed his eyes and relaxed completely, thoroughly satisfied with Erzi’s technique—he hadn’t expected this yellow-haired guy to have such skills. “Mmm… Su Hu (comfortable)…” Zuo Chen said with his eyes closed. Hearing this, Erzi was over the moon—all his hard work hadn’t been in vain; His Majesty the Beast King had finally acknowledged him! “You bet, Your Majesty the Beast King. Back when we were in our little corner of town, my pet shop was brand-new—it was all thanks to my skills!” Seeing that the Beast King was pleased, Erzi began to chat freely. “Aren’t you from Hunan?” Zuo Chen asked with his eyes still closed. Erzi immediately felt a wave of panic wash over him. Earlier, to save his own skin, he’d claimed on the spot that he was from Hunan—and now that thick accent, thick with the taste of corn cobs, had given him away completely… Fortunately, Zuo Chen didn’t say anything; he clearly didn’t think much of it. Erzi let out a long sigh of relief and began massaging Zuo Chen with even greater effort. After a while, Zuo Chen finished his bath and massage, jumped out of the basin, shook the water off his body, and dried off by the fire. Erzi, standing nearby, had already built a makeshift bed out of books and lined it with old clothes and towels. The large gold chain and small watch he’d taken off before bathing were neatly placed beside it. Zuo Chen nodded in satisfaction, sprawled out, and fell fast asleep once again. Seeing that His Majesty the Beast King had settled down to rest, Erzi finally drew a basin of water for himself and began washing up in the corner. Like Zuo Chen, he hadn’t bathed in a long time either. After a comfortable bath, Erzi finally lay down, completely exhausted, and fell asleep. At that moment, the weight on his heart was finally lifted—as long as he remained useful, he would be able to live a good life. That night, Zuo Chen got up once more to eat, then slept soundly until dawn, waking up with a contented stretch. Erzi, however, had already been awake for some time. He’d managed to find a black suit and white shirt—though a bit worn, they looked the part—and was holding a steaming hot towel. As soon as he saw Zuo Chen get up, he respectfully handed it to him. By now, he had completely adopted the role of the Beast King’s butler—though he didn’t dare touch any of the food. In the post-apocalyptic world, food was the most precious commodity; without the Beast King’s orders, he wouldn’t dare touch it even if his life depended on it. This was an unspoken rule that had become second nature to the survivors in the ruins. Zuo Chen took the towel, raised both paws to wipe his face, and began making breakfast. The only ingredients available now were vacuum-packed foods like canned meat, dried meat, and compressed biscuits. There had never been much fresh produce from the shopping mall to begin with, and it had all been eaten up; even the last of the instant noodles had been completely consumed. You can’t make a meal without ingredients, so Zuo Chen had no choice but to boil the compressed biscuits into porridge, adding some canned luncheon meat, canned beef, and dried vegetables. To his pleasant surprise, he found two preserved eggs; he immediately chopped them up and tossed them into the pot. After quite a while, just as Zuo Chen was beginning to feel unbearably hungry, the fragrant century egg and lean pork congee was finally ready. The chopped preserved eggs and meat chunks swirled in the porridge made from the compressed biscuits, giving off a rich aroma. With a few bright green vegetable leaves added for color, it might not have been as good as the previous Lao Gan Ma ham and egg fried rice or the meat broth ramen, but as a breakfast, it was just as mouthwatering!