Apocalyptic Crazy Kitty

Chapter 11: Mastering Standard Mandarin

I’ve heard of people scrambling for food and essentials when the apocalypse strikes, but I’ve never heard of anyone raiding a bookstore for books. Precisely because of this, the Xinhua Bookstore had actually become a safe haven—even the refugees struggling to survive in the apocalypse wouldn’t come here; if they did, they’d starve to death, since there were absolutely no supplies. The employees who had turned into zombies were now mostly wandering in front of the bookshelves, seemingly still acting according to their memories from when they were alive. This time, Zuo Chen didn’t intervene; he had Erzi use his crossbow to clear out the remaining zombies, then began wandering through the bookstore. “Second floor. Look for novels and comics,” Zuo Chen ordered, giving a slight tug on the reins. Novels and comics!? He’d originally thought the Beast King would want to read humanities and social science books, but he never expected him to want novels and comics… Erzi thought to himself. Sure enough, even after evolving into a Beast King, this kitty’s behavior is still completely unpredictable… As a dutiful mount, Erzi quickly led Zuo Chen to the second-floor fiction and comics section. Then, at Zuo Chen’s command, he hauled all the post-apocalyptic literary works over to Zuo Chen. Sitting atop a pile of literary classics—the treasures of human civilization—Zuo Chen began flipping through the stack of post-apocalyptic works Erzi had brought over. *Resident Evil*, *Snowpiercer*, *I Am a Hero*, *World War Z*, *Bio-Dynasty*… There were over a hundred such works, covering a wide variety of genres. As he flipped through them, Zuo Chen thought with a touch of malice: “If you cry ‘wolf’ too often, it eventually comes true. I bet when the apocalypse actually hit, those authors were just as clueless as everyone else—and probably met even more gruesome ends than ordinary people.” His main reason for coming here was to see how those protagonists actually managed to survive in the apocalypse, hoping to find some useful insights for himself. But as soon as he finished flipping through them, he realized they were completely useless. Especially that *Bio-Chemical Dynasty*—it ended with a full-blown battle of gods. Total nonsense. What should he do? At least the protagonists in these stories were human. He, on the other hand, was just a cute little cat. What on earth was he supposed to do? Even if he wanted to set up a base, rule the roost, pick up girls, and build a harem, there was no way to do it. Was he supposed to round up a bunch of cats and build a Cat Kingdom…? Hmm, that actually sounds pretty good… Ugh, ugh, ugh—is that even reasonable…? Shaking his head to clear away the jumbled thoughts, Zuo Chen realized he still had only one goal: to… become human… At the very least, he had to be able to communicate normally with people… “Aww… so cute…” A slightly perverted voice drifted over from beside him. Turning his head, he saw Erzi holding a cat picture book, completely entranced by it. This kid really does love cats… Zuo Chen rolled his eyes and ordered Erzi to find a book. Soon, a brand-new, 16-page book was placed in front of Zuo Chen, its cover bearing the bold words: *Textbook for the Mandarin Proficiency Test*. “Meow meow… Master Mandarin pronunciation, and you’ll be unstoppable anywhere in the world…” As Erzi stared in utter disbelief, the Orange Cat swiftly flipped open the textbook and began practicing according to the standard pronunciation guidelines. “Mandarin… fa… fa…” The Orange Cat’s sweet, cute voice echoed through the empty second floor of the Xinhua Bookstore. Listening to the sound, Erzi would flip through the cat picture book in his hands one moment, then look up at Zuo Chen practicing his pronunciation the next, a dazed grin spreading across his face. Is this really the apocalypse? He almost thought he was in heaven! Half a day passed quickly, and as dusk fell, at Zuo Chen’s command, Erzi piled some books together to use as firewood and lit a campfire. Then Zuo Chen leaped out the second-floor window and vanished into the night. Amid Erzi’s anxious unease, His Majesty the Beast King returned shortly afterward. This time, as if by magic, he conjured cans of food, fruits, vegetables, and other ingredients—even a soup pot—out of thin air! Witnessing this astonishing scene, Erzi didn’t react much—he’d already grown numb to it. After all, this was the Beast King; anything was possible. Supernatural abilities like materializing objects out of thin air were perfectly normal, weren’t they? What? Unscientific? Cats can talk—is that scientific or not!? Then, under his admiring gaze, Zuo Chen tossed some canned meat and ham into the soup pot, added water, dropped in two flatbreads, and let it begin to simmer. The aroma of braised meat began to waft through the air. Even though he’d already eaten the supremely delicious Lao Gan Ma ham and egg fried rice earlier that day, Erzi still found himself constantly swallowing his saliva. Soon, the contents of the pot were cooked through, and the broth had turned a golden-red color, with a layer of tempting oil floating on top. Chunks of beef and ham, along with fresh vegetables he hadn’t eaten in ages, swirled inside: red tomato chunks, green baby bok choy, and white mushrooms. The sauce had already dyed the noodles a deep reddish-brown, and the chili oil from the seasoning packet tingled his taste buds and filled his nostrils. Erzi had already swallowed a lot of saliva, but he didn’t dare make a move. This was food—the most precious thing in this desolate post-apocalyptic world. As long as His Majesty the Beast King hadn’t spoken, how could he dare make a single move? Zuo Chen said nothing. He took a large bowl and served himself a heaping portion of noodles with meat and vegetables. After washing his paws clean, he used his long, bony claws as a fork and began slurping noisily, letting out “meow, meow” sounds of delight as he ate. Watching the Orange Cat in front of him eat so heartily, and breathing in the maddeningly delicious aroma, Erzi only felt even hungrier, his stomach growling uncontrollably. But he didn’t dare hope to taste such a delicacy again—after all, he was just a dispensable mount, and he’d already been overwhelmed with gratitude for that bowl of Lao Gan Ma ham and egg fried rice he’d had earlier that day. All he hoped now was that His Majesty the Beast King would leave him a tiny bit of broth after finishing his meal, so he could get a taste of it. After polishing off a large bowl of noodles with meat and vegetables, Zuo Chen took another sip of the broth. He looked up at Erzi, who was gulping his saliva, and realized the other had been tempted enough. So he nodded at Erzi and said, “Go ahead.” Food that comes too easily naturally isn’t as satisfying as food that’s hard-earned. Erzi could hardly believe his ears and stared at Zuo Chen in utter shock. The Beast King was actually letting him eat!? It wasn’t until Zuo Chen nodded again that Erzi, with tears welling up in his eyes, grabbed a bowl, filled it to the brim, and, staring at the golden broth, took a tearful sip of the rich, savory soup. It’s so delicious!!! That was his heartfelt cry. “Beep—Host detected cooking food. Eater’s pleasure level being assessed… Pleasure level has reached Level 7, exceeding Level 5. Meets reward distribution criteria. Recording food molecular composition. Initiating random distribution of Level 7 rewards.” The mechanical voice of the Gourmet System rang out in Zuo Chen’s mind once more, though this time the pleasure level had only reached Level 7. This was exactly what Zuo Chen had expected; unless it was a matter of life and death, or the first time he’d eaten something in a long while, it was still very difficult to achieve an extremely high pleasure level. After all, what he’d made was nothing more than ordinary food—it didn’t even qualify as a finely prepared meal—but in the context of this post-apocalyptic world, it seemed all the more precious. This time, he didn’t avoid Erzi; instead, he sat there openly holding his bowl and ordered the Gourmet System, “Dispense.” Then, under Erzi’s stunned gaze, a green beam shot out once more from the bell around Zuo Chen’s neck, forming a ten-centimeter-diameter void wormhole in the air ahead of him. “I wonder what it’ll be this time… I’m really looking forward to it…” Zuo Chen thought, licking the rim of his bowl and smacking his lips. In the next instant, under his eager gaze, bundles of 100-yuan bills shot out of the spatial wormhole, piling up all over the floor. “Level 7 reward: 10 million RMB distributed.”