Chief, don't hit me in the face

Starting with a little loli? How am I supposed to win? At the very least, give me a dog! Even a lame one would do! What? The Ruler’s Tower is respawning? We have to take down the tower? Get lost—stop bugging me! I was a perfectly good female hero—how did I end up as a secretary? No big deal—just wait for a rainy day when my master slips and dies, and we’ll be free! MVP? No way! What happened to the promised 1v5? What about the promised god-tier items right from the start? Don’t you know? There’s no way I’m jungling—I’ll never jungle in this lifetime. Just coasting along and waiting to die is so much better. Hey, you—Master—bring me that ice cream! And make sure to add an extra layer of whipped cream! You’re the first female hero I’ve ever met who’s this gullible—no, I mean, this innocent! The days when you could trick a female hero with a single hamburger are long gone. Now, even if you pile up a hundred hamburgers into a mountain, she won’t even glance your way. She wants Western cuisine—got it? A medium-rare steak paired with red wine, served at a high-end restaurant!