Apocalyptic Crazy Kitty

Chapter 32: The Idiot Potato

Simple to cook… a circular particle collider… Zuo Chen was so furious he smashed the Bigen Potato in his paw with a single swipe and yelled, “Simple my ass, meow!” Do you use a particle collider to cook at your house?! Is this cooking or conducting an experiment?! And a high-energy physics experiment at that! Erzi and the others standing nearby had long since gotten used to Zuo Chen’s occasional outbursts, but only Mo Xiaoqing was trembling with fear, thinking to herself: This kitty is a bit unpredictable… but then again, maybe all kitties are like that… Zuo Chen’s face was dark with anger; he was so furious his whiskers were standing on end. Ordinary particle colliders are several kilometers long and take up a massive amount of space. Even in peacetime, there aren’t many of them in the world, because aside from conducting experiments, they’re practically useless. Moreover, aside from taking up a massive amount of space and requiring specialized researchers to operate and start them up, they also consume an enormous amount of electricity—at least enough to power a small town just to keep them running. This so-called “simple cooking method” is simply impossible to achieve at the moment. Fighting the urge to close the recipe, Zuo Chen kept reading. “…If you don’t have a circular particle collider, you can skip the step of using high-energy particles to break down the cell walls. Instead, place the purple sweet potatoes in a mesh bag,spin it clockwise 1,000 times at high speed, then counterclockwise 1,000 times, using centrifugal force to achieve preliminary cell wall disruption. Next, blast it with 100 watts or more of mental energy for ten seconds, then roast it over a flame exceeding 300 degrees to complete the initial dark energy absorption and processing.” “You damn well should’ve said so sooner!” Zuo Chen felt an unbearable itch in his paws; if the creator of the Gourmet System were standing right in front of him, he’d definitely swat him with a claw. “However, without high-energy particle impact, the Bigen Potato will lose 30 percent of its nutritional value during processing, which will affect the taste.” Zuo Chen completely ignored that statement. At Zuo Chen’s command, a group of humans wove several nets from vines, tossed the dug-up Bigen Potatoes into them, and began spinning them in circles with all their might. A thousand turns clockwise and a thousand turns counterclockwise might seem like a lot, but it was nothing to these Evolved Ones. They finished spinning the wheels quickly, and Zuo Chen immediately unleashed a psychic blast at the pile of Bigen Potatoes. Although he didn’t know how much 100 watts was, his psychic power should be sufficient. Ten seconds later, the color of the Bigen Potatoes actually began to fade slightly, changing from the initially glaring emerald green to a soft grass green! He tossed a dozen or so Bigen Potatoes into a fire and began roasting them. As Mo Xiaoqing roasted the Bigen Potatoes, she muttered to herself. Why on earth is this Cat Beast King roasting a bunch of mutant potatoes? Even the tiniest bit of this stuff could poison a person to death—does he actually plan to eat them? Before long, a strange, delicate fragrance rose from the fire and lingered in the air. It smelled like the aroma of butter, yet carried a hint of smokiness and warmth, bringing a sense of calm. So fragrant, so fragrant… Mo Xiaoqing’s mouth began to water, and when she turned to look, she saw that Erzi and the others were also constantly swallowing their saliva. It really did smell amazing. But no matter how delicious it smelled, it was still highly toxic… Mo Xiaoqing had once witnessed with her own eyes a person driven mad by hunger eat a mutated potato, only to die with their entire body rotting and blood oozing from all seven orifices, their internal organs corroded by the toxin into a pus-like liquid. After a short while, Zuo Chen nodded, signaling everyone to take out the Bigen potatoes and place them on a plate. By now, the Bigen Potato was no longer that eerie dark green; it had turned a soft, pale green. With a gentle peel, the skin came right off, revealing the jelly-like tuber inside. Cutting off a small piece directly with his claws, Zuo Chen turned to look at the humans, whose faces were etched with horror, and popped it into his mouth. “Your Majesty, don’t!” Erzi and the others cried out in alarm, but it was already too late. No matter how powerful the Great King might be, eating something this poisonous is bound to cause problems, isn’t it!? A rich, creamy aroma filled Zuo Chen’s mouth, but aside from the scent, it tasted much like a plain, unsalted baked potato. Not bad, but isn’t this just an ordinary potato…? With a puzzled look on his face, Zuo Chen swallowed the chewed-up Bigen potato. Immediately afterward, he felt a wave of heat surge from his stomach and spread throughout his body. It was as if every cell in his body had begun to rejoice, as though activated by a mysterious energy! This wave of warmth persisted; he could feel the fatigue from using his mental energy just moments ago vanish completely, as if he’d just rested all night and was now brimming with energy. What’s more, his strength seemed to have grown a little! Seeing that Zuo Chen was all right, Erzi let out a sigh of relief. Truly the Great King! Gritting his teeth, he stepped forward, pinched a piece of green-rooted sweet potato, put it in his mouth, chewed it a few times, and swallowed it. Seeing that Zuo Chen had already eaten, the others—to show their solidarity with the Great King—all came over and ate a few pieces of green-rooted sweet potato as well. Mo Xiaoqing didn’t want to eat at first, but when she noticed the hostile look in Erzi’s eyes, she steeled herself and took a bite as well. It’s just an ordinary potato… just with a bit of a fragrance. After everyone had finished eating, they were left feeling slightly puzzled. Yet the fact that a highly toxic mutant potato could be rendered completely non-toxic added yet another layer of mystery to the Cat King in their eyes. Suddenly, they all felt a wave of heat rising from their stomachs and spreading throughout their bodies, as if energy were constantly being infused into them. Every cell in their bodies felt a tingling sensation, as if cheering the arrival of this energy! Their bodies were undergoing subtle changes at a pace they could actually perceive! Both their mental clarity and physical strength received a slight boost. Although the increase was subtle, it left them utterly astonished, for this sensation was identical to what they had felt during their own evolution. After eating these cooked mutant potatoes, they had actually evolved! As evolvers who had narrowly escaped death, they understood all too well what this truly meant. The evolutionary energy provided by a single Bigen potato was negligible—but what if there were many? What if they ate this every day? They would keep evolving and growing stronger! In that moment, neither the cat nor the eight people said a word as they polished off every last bit of the remaining Bigen potatoes. This wasn’t just eating—it was evolution! “Great King, Zesi is so awesome!” Erzi said excitedly, then realized something was wrong: “Oh no, my head… my head… ahhh, wuuu, ahhh, wuuu, wuuu…” “Ahhh… waaah, ahhh, waaah… ahhhhh…” “Ooh-ooh-ooh, ahhh, woof-woof-woof…” Suddenly, everyone realized their tongues had gone numb—they couldn’t even speak anymore… “Don’t worry, it’s just the ‘Purple Four Gift’ phenomenon…” Just as Zuo Chen was about to reassure everyone, he realized his own tongue had gone numb too… Only then did he notice that the recipe for Bigen Potatoes had a final note in parentheses, with a line of small print: (Even with simple preparation, trace amounts of toxicity may remain, which can easily cause oral numbness. However, there’s no need to worry—it will subside quickly. ) What a rip-off! Zuo Chen had no choice but to extend a bone claw and scrawl directly on a tree: “Normal phenomenon, will subside soon.” The group finally let out a long sigh of relief. After all, achieving evolution naturally comes at a cost. Compared to the life-or-death risks of the Type C Evolution Serum, this numbness from the Bigen Potato was practically nothing. Still, this numbness is a bit intense… In no time at all, it wasn’t just their tongues and mouths that were numb—half their faces were numb too. All eight members of the cat clan could no longer feel the lower half of their faces; they all stood there with their mouths half-open and tongues hanging out, drool streaming down their chins, looking like a bunch of idiots… “Hahaha… Hahaha…” “Woo-woo-heh-heh-heh…” “Hehehehehe…” Seeing the mentally challenged expressions on each other’s faces, the whole group couldn’t help but burst into laughter, drool spraying everywhere. Zuo Chen’s face darkened with exasperation; he was beginning to wonder if he’d really taken on a bunch of mentally challenged people as his subordinates. “Keep digging. Gather ingredients,” he wrote again. This time, no one dared to laugh; they all put on stone-faced expressions and got to work digging and gathering. Two went to dig up Bigen potatoes, two went to gather Ironwire wheat, and the rest followed Zuo Chen to collect various mutated plants. These mutated fruits and vegetables were all low-level, mostly below Level 10, and their preparation methods were all clearly laid out in the Dark Energy Recipes section of the Culinary System. At that moment, Zuo Chen once again felt the power of this Culinary System. The significance of these Dark Energy Recipes far exceeded that of the previous culinary rating lotteries, because they represented energy—they represented risk-free evolution—and that was the very foundation for survival in this world! Zuo Chen had no doubt that if the cooking methods in these Dark Energy Recipes were to leak out, they would send shockwaves throughout the entire human world!