Apocalyptic Crazy Kitty

Chapter 9: How Could You Eat a Kitten!

Big Boss Qian and his two companions all sniffed the air, straining to catch the scent. It smelled so good… absolutely delicious. It was like a heavy blow that instantly shattered their memories. How long had it been since they’d last smelled this? “That’s… the smell of Lao Gan Ma fried rice!” Boss Qian exclaimed, his mouth instantly watering, while he heard the other three swallow hard. “It’s not just Lao Gan Ma—there’s egg too! And… and ham!” the short guy said, swallowing hard with a look of sheer delight on his face. Who are these people? They’re actually willing to use Lao Gan Ma for fried rice—and even added ham and eggs? That’s just too extravagant! Qian Lao Da’s eyes lit up with excitement—they’d come to the right place. These guys definitely had a massive stockpile of supplies! After all, even at his own stronghold, there had only ever been two bottles of Lao Gan Ma Spicy Chili Sauce—and those had been completely eaten up a year ago. Back then, they’d only ever brought them out for special occasions, using just a spoonful at a time! Who would be so wasteful as to use something this luxurious to make fried rice? Plus, the smell of cooking was too enticing—they usually just drank cold water and ate hardtack, afraid of attracting zombies. The four of them swallowed hard as they kicked aside the corpses blocking the doorway and stormed into the room. To their surprise, although the room was covered in blood and chaos, with signs of a struggle everywhere, the original occupants’ bodies were nowhere to be found. Qian Lao Da frowned and leaned halfway out, pistol in hand. Through the crack in a bedroom door, they could see four bodies lying side by side on the bed—clearly the previous occupants. They were all dead. Yet the aroma of Lao Gan Ma ham and egg fried rice kept wafting out from the kitchen. It was the aroma of freshly cooked fried rice, still steaming hot—it was driving them crazy. Boss Qian waved his pistol, and Erzi, carefully holding his nail gun, led the way, kicking the kitchen door open with a single kick. The aroma of the fried rice surged out like a flood, enveloping them, and all four of them instantly began to salivate—but the scene that met their eyes left them momentarily stunned. A cast-iron wok sat on the stove, filled to the brim with golden-red Lao Gan Ma ham and egg fried rice, still steaming. To the four of them, it practically glowed, every grain of rice resembling the most beautiful gemstone. And right next to this pot of Lao Gan Ma ham and egg fried rice sat a plump Orange Cat, clutching a spatula with its two front paws, turning its head to look at them with a dazed expression. “A cat! A fat cat! A big fat cat!” the short one shouted. “It’s a kitty!” Erzi’s face lit up with a dreamy expression as he let out a gentle cry. It’s a cat! Erzi struggled to control the urge to immediately pounce and hug the cat. As his mentor, this kid usually never dared to disobey him—today, he must have been completely out of his mind. A disobedient little brat—there’s no point in keeping him around. The urge to kill had already taken hold. Taking a step forward, Boss Qian suddenly sidestepped, swung his pistol, knocking the nail gun out of Erzi’s hand, and kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying across the room. The nail gun clattered to the ground. Pressing the pistol against Erzi’s forehead and staring at his face contorted with pain, Boss Qian said coldly, “Today, I’m going to eat that cat meat, and I’m going to kill you, too.” As he spoke, he picked up a crossbow bolt and aimed it at Erzi’s throat. Although the pistol had a homemade silencer, the shot was still too loud; a crossbow bolt was more convenient. “Qian Dalong, you’re a fucking beast! I’ve fought tooth and nail for you, and now you’re just going to kill me like this!? You won’t even spare a cat—you beast!” Realizing just how ruthless his opponent was, Erzi’s eyes filled with bloodshot fury as he shouted his curses. “Pfft,” Qian Lao Da remained completely unmoved. “Die.” He was about to pull the trigger on the crossbow! “Hey,” just then, a soft voice—sounding like a child’s—rang out, “Didn’t you guys forget about that cat?” “Who’s there!?” Boss Qian suddenly pointed his gun in the direction of the voice, and his two henchmen also looked that way. The sight before them made their eyes widen instantly. The Orange Cat was standing upright on two legs by the stove, one front paw resting on a spatula and the other on its hip, glaring at them with a look of utter disgust. Judging by the expression on its chubby face, it was thoroughly disgusted! “The cat… the cat is talking!” The shorter man trembled as if he’d seen a ghost, his hand holding the crossbow quiver shaking uncontrollably. “Is… is that the Beast King!?” “Beast my ass! Kill it!” Boss Qian roared, firing both his crossbow and pistol at once! The Orange Cat furrowed its brow, dodged the attack with a flash—like a streak of yellow lightning—and scrambled straight up onto the ceiling! “Up there!” The three of them fired their crossbows and pistols simultaneously at the ceiling, but they were simply too slow—the Orange Cat had already dropped right into their midst in an instant! “Go wash up!” the Orange Cat bellowed, swinging its razor-sharp bone claws to instantly sever the carotid arteries of the short man and the other man. Blood from the wounds stained Qian Lao Da’s face! “Ah!” he screamed, wiping the blood from his face with one hand while firing wildly with the other. But after only two shots, a sharp bone spike pierced his Temple of the Sun with a “thud.” “Thud…” The three bodies hit the ground almost simultaneously. Until their very last breath, their eyes remained wide open, as if they couldn’t believe they’d been taken out so easily. Zuo Chen clasped his head with both paws, cracked his neck, and stretched his limbs. Turning to Erzi, who was slumped on the ground in stunned silence, he asked, “Got anything to say, meow?” Erzi’s eyes widened; he had no idea whether he was awake or dreaming. That chubby, cute-and-dumb-looking Orange Cat from just a moment ago had wiped out Qian Lao Da and his two men in the blink of an eye! Blood was still dripping from the Orange Cat’s long claws! Beast King! This was definitely a terrifying Beast King! “I-I-I…” Erzi stammered, trembling and unable to form coherent sentences. “T-they… you…” The Orange Cat furrowed its brow and said, “I guess I’ll just have to kill you too.” “Don’t kill me! Your Majesty the Beast King! Don’t kill me!” As soon as he heard Zuo Chen say he was going to kill him, Erzi snapped out of it with a start, raising his hands high in supplication: “Your Majesty the Beast King, I’m from Hunan too—we’re fellow Hunanese. Please don’t kill me…” Hearing this, Zuo Chen’s face darkened, and he thought to himself, “Fuck that ‘fellow Hunan native’ nonsense—I’ve gotta master Mandarin!” “What use is keeping you around?” Zuo Chen stared at Erzi, shaking the blood off his claws. He was no philanthropist, and certainly not some kind-hearted little kitten. “If you keep me… I…” Erzi was breaking out in a cold sweat. Just moments ago, he’d been the little kitten he’d wanted to adopt, but in the blink of an eye, he’d transformed into a Beast King who killed without mercy—a contrast that caught him completely off guard. “I used to be a veterinarian! I can take care of Your Majesty’s every need and become your most loyal servant! Plus, I’m a decent shot—I can serve as your bodyguard!” He was telling a little white lie here—before the apocalypse, he’d run a pet store, but he’d never actually worked as a veterinarian. Still, he figured a veterinarian would be held in higher regard. But the Orange Cat across from him didn’t react at all, still frowning as it stared at him, blood dripping from its paws onto the ground. Erzi’s heart skipped a beat. If he’d seen a cat with that expression before, he would’ve found it utterly adorable, but now it sent a chill down his spine. Oh, right—there’s that thing! Erzi crawled over to Boss Qian’s body, fished a crudely made collar and a remote control out of his backpack, and held them out to the Orange Cat with both hands. “This is… this is the remote-controlled collar that Boss Qian and his men made. Once it’s on, it’ll explode as soon as the remote is pressed. You… you can put it on me…” This kid’s actually pretty sincere… Zuo Chen looked at the collar and sized up Erzi as he thought this. He hadn’t really intended to kill the kid in the first place; after all, he was quite impressed by the courage the boy had shown just now. This kid named Erzi wasn’t a bad person at heart. Besides, this was the first time he’d interacted with a normal human since escaping the biological research institute, and there were many things he needed to ask about. “Don’t be afraid. Come on, let’s eat first,” Zuo Chen said, patting the bell under his neck and waving his hand. What did that weird “Gourmet System” require to determine a food’s grade again? A “consumer”? Well, here was a ready-made one right in front of him…